It was September 2012 when I watched Hedda Bolgar, PhD, a tiny 103-year-old woman take the stage and completely captivate an audience. Bolgar, who passed away the following year, was extraordinary – quick-witted, articulate and optimistic. What made her special wasn’t just her sharp mind, but how personable she was. I felt like I had known her much longer than our 90 minutes together. I loved her spunk when she told us she still drove her red Prius to work four days a week as a psychologist and to teach students on Fridays because she couldn’t imagine doing anything else.
It’s not every day that we are given the opportunity to receive life-changing wisdom from a centenarian and Bolgar wasted no time getting into it. She attributed her life’s success back to her parents – her mother taught her the power of empathy, while her father showed her how to tackle problems head-on. These weren’t just childhood lessons; they became the foundation of her remarkable career.
When someone asked about her secret to staying engaged as a psychoanalyst for so many decades, her answer was simple: “I never got bored.” She said she learned to be fully present with every client, and that mindfulness spilled over into every corner of her life. But perhaps the most striking was how she reframed aging itself. While most people see getting older as loss, Bolgar saw it as gaining gifts. Her advice? Stop focusing on what’s declining and start recognizing what you’re gaining. And when you do need help, don’t be too proud to ask. She also shared the importance of cultivating friendships across all age groups to ensure having others to lean on.
She intimately knew loss. After her husband died, she gave herself time to grieve. Then she did something unexpected – instead of revisiting the tropical vacations they’d shared, she went to the North Pole. She also channeled her energy into creating two thriving business ventures – a clinic and a teaching institute. Grief became a launching pad for new adventures.
Her thoughts on security, fear, and happiness were the best. From her perspective, security isn’t how much money is in the bank, it’s the relationships and community we build around ourselves. For her, fear served no purpose, and like any bad habit said it can be unlearned. It was her answer when asked about the best time in her life that was pure gold: “NOW, because each day liberates the next one even more.” That’s why every September I think about Hedda Bolgar and her 103 years of wisdom.
Originally published, Orange County Register, September 11, 2025
